Resolve

Are you a New Year's Resolution setter? 

I personally love the fresh start that a new year brings.

Last year I set some resolutions in regards to my physical health and I never could have predicted how working toward those goals would spiral into so many areas of my life. 

It has me wanting to go really big this year by setting a few goals that seem almost impossible, then making a plan of how I'm going to follow through. 

They say that your brain is wired to look for problems, so I'm going to give it a few exciting problems to solve, both in regards to my personal and spiritual growth. 

How about you?

I have a feeling that 2018 is going to be a year to remember. 

Earned Ability

Maddie received a ukulele from her grandparents for Christmas. It was her one Christmas wish.

Once the presents were all opened and the kids ran off to play a new game, I picked up the ukelele and downloaded the corresponding app to my phone.

I learned very quickly that it would take a musical novice such as myself a lot of work to learn even a simple song.

It was awkward and uncomfortable to play the simplest chords.

I became irritated with myself, the ukulele, and even the app on my phone (which, amazingly, goes through each and every step of teaching me how to use the instrument).

Malcolm Gladwell believes that, in general, people prize natural endowment over earned ability. While we live in a culture that claims to value effort and self-improvement, we revere the naturals.

Instead of viewing them as ordinary people who work really hard, we see them as magical unicorns who were born with extraordinary, super-hero-like abilities.

Part of me wonders if we do this in part to let ourselves off the hook a little bit. If I credit my childhood best friend's piano playing abilities up to blood, sweat, and tears, then I can't honestly say "I'd give anything to play the piano like you." Because I wouldn't. I wouldn't give up the hours and  hours of tedious, awkward practicing. Truth be told, I'd rather watch the latest season of Fuller House instead.

If I acknowledge that getting really good at anything, even for those born with better-than-average ability, takes hard work, then I don't have an excuse. I'm not off the hook. Because I'm capable of working hard too.

I'm going to prove to myself that I can learn to play the ukelele. I can earn that ability. I'm going to put in the hard, awkward, uncomfortable hours and teach myself (with my trusty app) to play "Happy Birthday to You." It's one of my New Year's Resolutions.

Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Wish me luck.

Take Care of Yourself Already!

Are you in the habit of practicing self-care? I'm not really talking about the spa-day, manis-and-pedis, treat-yo-self kind of self-care (though all of those are great), I'm talking about the positive-self-talk kind of self-care.

Let's say you mindlessly eat half a box of Oreos. Instead of beating yourself up about it with thoughts like, "I have not self-control. I'm such a cotton-headed ninny muggins!" You might instead direct your thoughts to, "Huh. I wonder why I ate half a box of Oreos? Could I be stressed about something? What was I thinking about right before I did that? What is it I really need? (hint: the answer isn't more Oreos)"

Curiosity leads to compassion. And compassion leads to love. And lasting change comes from love.

You know what never leads to change? Hating yourself. No one in the history of ever made lasting positive changes from a shameful place. Nobody.

You can't hate yourself healthy. You can't hate yourself into being the kind of mom you think you should be. You have to come from a place of love and compassion. And if you can't get there, curiosity is a great place to start.

Merry Christmas!

What it's Really About

Each December I put together a simple slide show with pictures taken throughout the year. It has become one of my favorite traditions to watch this video each Christmas Eve.

This morning as I was organizing photos and choosing background music, I felt overcome with nostalgia and gratitude. This life is really all about family. Nothing is more important than those relationships that God gave us. He wants us to cultivate them more than any others. The people in our families are surely the ones that are meant to teach us the most meaningful lessons. The lessons that will help us learn what we need to learn in this life and in the next.

Next spring my family will be making some big changes. We will pack up all our belongings and move across the country to Montana. This was a decision filled with a lot of emotion and a lot of deep consideration. We have a great life here in Maine. A really great life. Why would we uproot our family again and make so many dramatic changes?

Because of family. That was the main driving force in our decision. We want our children to have more time with their grandparents. More time with their cousins. More time with their aunts and uncles. And Montana is just an eight hour drive from family.

I have told Ryan for some time that the only thing that would pull me away from Maine would be a really great job closer to home. Truthfully, I never thought we'd find it.

But we did. He did. And as I watched my little slideshow, scattered with pictures of cousins and grandparents and family, I felt so much gratitude for all these people that God has placed in my life.

When people ask me why I would uproot my kids again, this is my answer:

It's about family.

Perfectionism

I'm a perfectionist. Recovering perfectionist to be exact. I like things to be perfect. I want to be the perfect mother. The perfect wife. The perfect friend. What's so wrong with that? A lot, actually. By expecting perfection out of myself, I wasn't allowing myself to show up, be vulnerable, and risk failure.

As I've been working on letting go of my perfectionist tendencies, I have felt so much freedom!

Christmas doesn't have to be perfect to be special.

My kids don't have to be overjoyed with their Christmas gifts (at least one of them is going to be disappointed, no doubt). It can still be a special day.

I don't have to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect friend, or the perfect writer to make a contribution to the world. My family is learning oodles and oodles from my flaws as well as my strengths. And so am I.

So for now, when I feel the perfectionism start to creep in, I tell myself that good is good enough.

Growth Mindset

My children attend a K-8 school here in our tiny rural town in Maine. I love our little school. The principal, the teachers, the parents, and the support staff are all so caring and hard working. This year, the school is focusing on fostering a growth mindset among the students. If you haven't read Carol Dweck's book yet, you really should. It's on my nightstand right now and I'm having a boatload of ah-ha moments in every chapter! 

I have seen how, just in the last few months, my older children have slowly been opening up to the idea of a growth mindset. See this illustration from Dartmouth in case you haven't read the book:

I think it was best described this way: Growth Mindset says "I made a mistake," whereas the Fixed Mindset says, "I am a mistake."

Dweck said this about failure: "When people believe their basic qualities can be developed, failures may still hurt, but failures don't define them. And if abilities can be expanded---if change and growth are possible'''then there are still many paths to success."

Most people aren't a simple one or the other. All of us have fixed mindsets in certain parts of our lives and growth mindsets in others. "I'm not good at math...I've never been an artist...I'll never lose weight...I'm not good at setting goals...I'm just not a patient person..."

Where might a fixed mindset be holding you back?

Braving the Wilderness

I recently listened to Brene Brown's new book, Braving the Wilderness. There were two concepts that she discussed which really resonated with me:

1. People are hard to hate close up. What does that even mean? It means that the more you know some one's story, the less-likely you are to make snap judgments about their decisions and life choices. I have seen this happen over and over in my own life. I believe I know everything I need to know about someone and how I think they should best live their life. Because didn't you know? I'm an expert at telling other people how to live their lives. Just sayin'. And then I get to know them better. And I always seem to come to the same conclusion: People are doing the best they can. They really are. Even if their best is really terrible, I choose to believe that they are doing all they can because it is a more peaceful way for me to live my life. I've found that judging others doesn't feel very good. So I try not to do it. It's for selfish reasons, really. I'm a super fan of feeling good.

2. Don't look for evidence that you don't fit in. You will always find it. This concept smacked me in the face when I heard it. I had been searching for evidence that I didn't belong for a long time in a certain area in my life. And I was finding it! So many reasons why I didn't belong! I even convinced others with my case--"Guess what happened today?...Can you believe it?...I just don't fit in here..." But guess what? It wasn't serving me well at all. I've since decided that I that I am instead going to look for all the ways in which I fit in in this part of my life. And wouldn't you know, I'm finding it around every corner. It is such a happier way to live life.

Food as Fuel

I'm pretty sure Julia Childs would love me. She gets credit for saying,

"People who love to eat are always the best kind of people." 

Amen, Julia. If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE food. So much. So very much. I mean, I'm a Roundy, it's in my DNA. It's my love language. It's how I show love, how I feel loved, and something I love to think about.

But here's the thing. I recently was introduced to the concept that food is just fuel for your body. That's it. It's purpose isn't to entertain us, make us feel better, or take away our problems. The only problem food solves is hunger. Brooke Castillo taught me that.

But what kind of a drab life would it be if I only ate food to fuel my body? How boring is that?

Not boring at all, it turns out. I've actually been putting this to the test lately in my life, and when I focus on eating foods that fuel my body (read:it usually doesn't come in a wrapper and it's not made with a bunch of powdery white stuff unless that white stuff is cauliflower), and I only eat food when I'm hungry, it frees up so much space in my brain to think about so many other things that I'm interested in. It is slowly helping me be more of an active player in my own life. Imagine that! I'm noticing that I'm noticing my kids more. Like how Nathan scrunches up his nose when he's building with magnatiles, or how Maddie picks up on little nuances from her favorite tv show, Studio C.

When I eat this way, I notice that I don't think so much about what I shouldn't eat (because I have set some clear guidelines for myself about what foods best fuel my body that I should eat, and I plan in advance to have those foods available to me).

When I do choose to eat foods that aren't good fuel, I try make that decision at least 24 hours in advance so I'm not a victim to the ice cream at the back of the freezer after the kids go to bed (unless I've planned it in advance, of course). For example, at the Christmas party this weekend I'm totally having a piece of cheesecake. Done. Planned. Then on that night, I go to the party with a plan (which includes a piece of cheesecake, but not eating the entire bread basket).

Instead of telling myself, "I deserve to eat whatever I want at the Christmas party--hello! It's Christmas!" I have been telling myself things like, "You know what I really deserve? To feel good. To have a healthy body. To not have a food hangover the day after the party because I ate a bunch of junk."

I still love food, but I'm learning to love it because it keeps me alive and healthy, not because it entertains me and not because it softens the blow of a bad day.

Give it a try. Eat only foods that fuel your body and watch to see how much joy you can find outside of food. You'll feel better and you just might find your REAL passion.

It's not easy, but it's really simple. I bet you'll love it (once you stop hating it, of course).

When Joseph Went to Bethlehem

Grandma Ruth is my children's only living great grandparent. She is a pretty special lady. Whenever we call her, she is positive and upbeat and so very gracious. I felt prompted to call her several times over the past week, and yesterday on the way home from preparing for a Christmas party at our church, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. It was after she told me the following story that I realized why I had felt prompted to call her. It was for me. And for the women in my little church congregation here in rural Maine. Her story needed to be shared with them. And today, with her permission, I want to share it with you as well:

It was the Christmas of 1960 when Grandma Ruth opened the mailbox and found a copy of The Friend magazine. Inside was a poem, written by a Methodist woman, entitled, "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem." The poem was so beautiful that she cut it out of the magazine and read it to her five young children, the oldest just 7 years old (and my future Father-in-law). She loved it so much that she convinced Lynn (or Papa Payne, as I now call him) to memorize it and read it during a primary talk he gave in church. At the time, she and Grandpa Reed were living in Pennsylvania and were, as she put it, "poor as church mice." Every Christmastime for the next several years, she would pull out this sweet poem and read it with her family. In 1966, when they were just slightly less poor than church mice, Grandpa bought a big upright piano. He was a very gifted pianist and musician. That same year at Christmastime, when Grandma pulled out the poem, Grandpa Reed declared, "This poem needs music." Forty-five minutes later he had composed a tune that they sang together as a family. Grandma encouraged him to write it down, which he did. It was later given to a friend of his who sat on the General Primary Board of the LDS church.

A few years later, once again at Christmastime, Grandma Ruth opened the December addition of The Friend Magazine to find that "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem" had been published in it, this time as a song with the music that Grandpa wrote. It was later published in the Children's Songbook for the LDS church and eventually in the Liahona Magazine.

By the time Grandpa Reed had passed away, his gentle song had been translated into 45 languages.  It was said at his funeral that "Children across the world in Kiribati, who sleep on palm leaves for a bed and have never owned a pair of shoes, sing 'When Joseph Went to Bethlehem' at Christmastime."

Ruth and Reed were never able to track down Bessie Spencer, the author of the original poem, but I like to think that Grandpa and her have had a chance to meet now and that they sing their song together at Christmas with the angels of heaven. Grandma told me that when Grandpa wrote the music, he wanted the tune to convey the cadence of the donkey being guided by Joseph while carrying Mary and her unborn child to Bethlehem. If you listen to it, you really can picture it. Not much is known about the humble carpenter who was chosen to be the foster father of the Savior of the world, but hearing this story and listening to Grandpa's song helps me feel a quiet reverence for what he must have endured and for his gentle heart.

Now when I sing this song, I will think about how small things can really touch people in a big way, whether it's reading a poem from a magazine with your family at Christmastime, or taking 45 minutes to share your talent with those you love most by writing a song, or by simply helping your neighbor. That is how we can light the world. One small act of kindness and love at a time.

When Joseph Went to Bethlehem

When Joseph went to Bethlehem I think he took great care
To place his tools and close his shop and leave no shavings there.
He urged the donkey forward, then, with Mary on its back,
And carried bread and goat cheese in a little linen sack.

I think there at the busy inn that he was meek and mild
And awed to be the guardian of Mary’s sacred child.
Perhaps all through the chilly hours he smoothed the swaddling bands,
And Jesus felt the quiet strength of Joseph’s gentle hands.

And close beside the manger bed he dimmed the lantern’s light,
And held the little Jesus close upon that holy night.

Link to a video of music/lyrics here.

Grandma Ruth and the kids (Summer 2017).

Sugar Sweet Sugar

Nine and a half months ago I decided to work with a personal trainer online. She has an eight week diet/exercise program and I thought it would help me focus on my nutritional needs as well as push myself physically. I was right. Megan from munchercruncher.com is simply my favorite health and fitness guru in all the world. It's not an exaggeration to say that she changed my life.

The biggest way my life changed was cutting out sugar. I knew I loved sugar, but I didn't understand before working with her that I was addicted to sugar. Truly it was my drug of choice. Once I cut out the sugar, the headaches that I had been getting on at least a bi-weekly basis suddenly disappeared. It was a small miracle. I have been getting headaches regularly for as long as I can remember. I had pretty much given up on figuring out why, so this was a wonderful revelation. After the eight weeks was up, I discovered that sugar just didn't bring me the same joy that it once had. Because of that,  I mostly have given it up. If my kids get an ice cream cone, I'll take a lick (mommy tax). If I make a delicious dessert when company comes over, sometimes I have a bite or two, sometimes more (knowing that I will most-likely suffer from a headache if I do, but at least I know why). Sometimes I pass on dessert all together.

Now don't confuse "passing on dessert altogether" with "I never eat treats." Because I do. There are plenty of treats that aren't sweetened with sugar. And I enjoy those often. Stevia, I love you.

It might sound extreme but it works for me. I try not to force it on anyone (though my family eats less sweets automatically since I don't bake/buy as many as I did), and my kids know that "mom doesn't eat much sugar because it gives her a headache." I can honestly say that I have never felt better. It's hard to pass on dessert sometimes, but not nearly as hard as dealing with nasty headaches on the regular.

Snickering

My People.

Tonight I was helping Nathan read his verse of scripture during family scripture study. I read a line at a time to him and he repeated it to the family. It just so happened that the word ass was in his verse. As soon as he recited it to the family, snickers from the three older kids came in rapid succession. Nate must have been really tired because he didn't even notice. After reading the new word, he paused and said, "Mom? What's an ass?" That's when everyone erupted in laughter. Davis then proceeded to find ways to say "dumb ass" over and over throughout scripture study. I told him that his teacher most definitely would not find that phrase as funny as his siblings do.

Totally Worth It.

I believe I've mentioned before that we live in a small town. Like, really small. A no-stop-lights, no-grocery-stores, one-teeny-tiny-gas-station-kind-of-town. There are a couple of other homes on our street, but no children reside in them. I often dream about living in a neighborhood where the kids run from house to house and have a little gang of friends around them all the time. My sister lives in that kind of neighborhood. It seems kind of magical. Our home in Gilbert was located in that kind of neighborhood. But those kinds of neighborhoods don't really exist in rural Maine. I have discovered, though, that because my children don't have a neighborhood posse, they rely on each other. A lot. And while they fight a lot, they also really love each other. Especially these two. And that makes living in rural Maine totally worth it.

Autumn Time

We are soaking up these warm Autumn days as long as we can. We have had better weather this summer/fall in Maine than I can ever remember, anywhere. Winter is right around the corner (and daylight savings---hello 4pm sunsets!) but I am hoping to take it in stride this year---a few more fires in the wood stove, a few more movies and popcorn in the living room, and a few less down-in-the-dumps days.

So Much Love

This is how we feel about having Grandma and Grandpa in town. So much love.

A Year of Yes

I have never seen more than a clip or two of either Grey's Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder,  or Scandal, but I'm quickly becoming a big Shonda Rhimes fan. I don't know how you can read her book and not just love this woman. Year of Yes is both laugh-out-loud funny (I mean, she mentions Travolta's Adele DaZeem moment at the Oscars---how could I have forgotten about that??) and truly inspirational and even profound at the same time. She will have you wanting to say "yes" to all the goals you've wanted to accomplish but have been too afraid to pursue.  

Beautiful Maine

We live in such a beautiful place. And I love Wednesdays. So so much. Ryan typically doesn't work so we get to spend the day together. Nathan calls it "Fun Day."

Buffers

So...Here's some honesty for you: I've been working lately on removing things from my life that I use as a distraction/numbing from reality. Two of my go-tos for a loooonnnngg time have been:

1) Distracting myself with social media (Kids are driving me crazy? Just check instagram! Don't want to do housework? Who's posted on Facebook lately?) Anytime I want to "check out" from my life, I often can be found checking social media.

2) Food--my preferred drug of choice. It's just so easy to numb with food, ya know? Waaaay easier than dealing with the problem/emotion at hand.

Here's what I've noticed as I've been working to remove these buffers/numb-ers from my life: Living a life without buffers is uncomfortable! It feels restless. And it's hard to break habits I've created for more than 30 years---I can't easily undo all I've done. But it also feels like I'm beginning to be a more authentic version of myself. If I can handle to unpleasant emotions that I've tried to mask for so long, I think I can handle anything. I'm trying to pat myself on the back every time I choose discomfort over social media buffering or eating when I'm really not hungry. I heard this quote recently and it made sense to me:

The only problem food can solve is hunger. 


Boom. I'm putting that one up on my wall as a daily reminder. In all other cases, using food to cope just buries the emotions. But they always resurface. Always.

Sustain and Support

Our feeble attempt at a group selfie after a presidency meeting.

In September 2016, almost exactly a year ago, I was called to be our branch Relief Society president. To say it was a shock would be an understatement. Stunned and in complete disbelief pretty much summed up my feelings at the time. We had only moved into the branch a few weeks before and it just hadn't crossed my mind that it was even a possibility. 

To be honest, it was a rough start. I cried. A lot. Sometimes I still do. But one thing I've never shed any tears over is my choice of counselors. I knew no one in the branch when I was asked to choose sisters to serve with me. But Heavenly Father knew the sisters well and, with the help of the branch president, he guided me to these lovely ladies. I could not do this without them. They sustain me and support me and I am so grateful for them. It has been a year of humility and personal growth for me. This calling is, without a doubt, the hardest church responsibility I have ever had (except maybe being a missionary?). But I am growing and learning and hopefully serving a little bit too.

Finished and Complete

Elder Holland did it again! His messages always speak to me in a special way (let's face it, everyone loves Elder Holland). I myself am a recovering perfectionist, and though I've come a long way over the past few years, it still creeps back in more often than I would like. But Elder Holland's explanation of "Be ye therefore perfect" from Matthew 5:48 was just wonderful. And I love his words about the New Testament's definition of perfection is "finished and complete", not flawless. 

"Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, to make us cynical about the truths of the gospel or hope for our future or the possibility of true godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection." —Jeffrey R. Holland

I haven't yet caught up with all of the sessions I missed yesterday, but man, conference is just hitting it out of the park this time! It just seems to get better and better. 

Red Sox Game

Our family met up with Lynn and Mary-Ann this weekend in Boston for a Red Sox game. Everyone should visit Fenway Park at least once in their life. I'm no baseball expert but it's a pretty cool stadium and a great atmosphere.
As we made the 8 hour round trip drive to the game and back, Ryan and I reflected on how much easier it is to travel with our kids than it was a few years ago. Nathan has been known to scream for the majority of cross-country moves, on 5 hour plane rides, and everywhere in between. Some of those days were rough. These days, though? These days are great. We are in a really sweet spot between not having anyone in diapers or car seats, and yet they are all still young enough that they want to spend time with us. I'll do my best to soak it all in while I can.

Doing Hard Things

I know I've written about this season's cross country team, but seriously, I am loving it! It's pretty much impossible for me to watch a meet without tearing up a little bit. Running is hard work and distance running especially takes so much determination and mental motivation. Running is such a metaphor for life. We just have to keep going. And get up every time we fall. It's a race to become our own best selves, better every day. I could go on and on.

Maddie set a goal at a practice this week to run the entire race on Thursday without stopping. Her coach (and principal) overheard her and said, in front of the whole team, "If you accomplish your goal, I'll buy popsicles for the entire team." Her good friend, worried about the pressure that it might put on Maddie, replied, "That's not fair to her, coach..." Without skipping a beat, Maddie whipped her head around and jokingly but reassuringly replied to Sophie, "Don't you believe in me?!!"

It's hard to catch a smile on Ike's face while he's running. It's usually 100% determination. But there's a tiny one there if you look close. 

Her improvement this season has been so exciting for me to watch. 

Giving it her at as she crossed the finish line. She and her teammate were neck and neck, but the pulled ahead at the end "by an inch" she said. 

I seriously love watching my kids finish a race. No one was near him during this final stretch, but I still watched Isaac push it as hard as he could so that he could beat his own time. 

Maddie ended up running yesterday's race without stopping once (a first!). The coach told me he would make good on his promise. "Looks like your daughter is going to cost me some money."

Welcome to the club, Mr. Russo.

Isaac's Date Night Out

When I was a kid my most favorite thing was one-on-one time with either my mom or my dad. There is something super awesome about not having to compete with anyone for the attention of your parents. Years ago I decided that I wanted to make one-on-one time a priority with our children, so as soon as Ryan finished his busy medical residency, we made a plan of how to make that happen. It's not fool-proof, but if we follow it, it usually assures that each of our kids gets four one-on-one dates per year, which, in my book, is a pretty good start.

The first Sunday of every month, either Ryan or I will take each of the kids aside separately and give them an interview. We've tried setting goals (but never really been too successful at following through), but we mostly just talk to the kids. Sometimes I print off a little questionnaire (there's no shortage of "Questions to Ask Your Children" on Pinterest), and sometimes we just chat for a few minutes. The interview usually involves some kind of treat or snack (popcorn is a family favorite) and we always make sure to schedule the date nights for the month during the interview. If we don't schedule them, they don't happen. One child each month gets a one-on-one date with the parent of their choice, and the other 2 children get what we term a "late-over." (Nathan won't get late-overs or one-on-one dates until he goes to school because every day is a one-on-one date with me and him) Late overs usually consist of playing a game with mom and/or dad after the other kids have gone to bed. Late overs usually last 15-20 minutes. Date nights have included movies, window shopping, bowling, and trips to the over-priced candy shop. It's usually child-choice. The kids love it. And if we plan it, it's not a big deal to execute. It doesn't feel unmanageable or overwhelming.

Last night was Isaac's turn for a date night out. He chose to see the new Ninjago movie with me. I spoiled him with popcorn and candy and even let him get the soda of his choice--Pepsi. There were just a few of us in the theatre and he and I laughed and laughed at all the silly jokes. I hope he remembers nights like that. I know I will.

Podcast Recommendation

 I've mentioned before that I'm a podcast junkie--I seriously LOVE them. I listen to at least one a day (often several). There are just so many good ones! One of those very good ones is Bold New Mom. Jody Moore is a life coach that specializes in working with LDS mothers. Now, before your thoughts run wild about how cooky life coaches are (been there, believe me), you should really give her a chance. She has great ideas that have honestly changed my outlook on life and the relationships that are important to me. I love her work so much that I decided to join her community of moms and I'm loving it. She specializes in empowering women to make the most of their lives. Give her a listen!

 I love this quote--because when it really comes down to it, what other people think of me is none of my business! What matters is what I think of me (and how I choose to love them).

 I once heard the thought that "a mother is only as happy as her saddest child" and it's bothered me ever since! I can be happy and want my kids to be happy without NEEDING them to be happy. That is their choice to make--their emotions are not mine to control.

I can always choose to choose love. And I love that. 

Ramblings on Motherhood

Popham Beach in August. Isaac was behind the camera and Maddie is crouching in the background.

In the past I have often worried that my weaknesses and inadequacies as a mother might negatively affect my children (What will they be telling their therapist about me/their childhood in 30 years while laying on a Chaise lounge with their eyes closed?). It at times has kept me up at night, riddled with guilt and even shame for not giving them a perfect role model. Just writing that down sounds ridiculous--who is even capable of that??

I recently heard a much more empowering thought that has helped me feel much less guilty and much more empowered as a mom: Of course my weaknesses and inadequacies are going to negatively affect my children---duh! But maybe, just maybe, my lack of perfection and specific set of weaknesses is just what they need in this life to learn and grow into the best person they can be. 

My weaknesses just might bring out their strengths and give them the opportunity to grow. Whether it's true or not, it feels much more liberating to me--I don't have to be perfect! I couldn't be no matter how hard I tried! But that might be just what my kids need. And that thought right there helps me show up for my family much better than any unattainable perfectionist expectations ever could.

Weaving Our Spiritual Tapestry

I'm going to share this video for FHE tonight--I just watched it for the first time and it's beautiful so I couldn't not share it here. "We might be able to be a miracle in someone else's life." What a great message to teach our children.

Answers to Questions

When Davis was a brand new baby, I was diagnosed with melanoma. It was a scary and uncertain time for Ryan and I. But it was also filled with a peace that I can't quite explain. I know Heavenly Father was watching over my family during that difficult time. Not coincidentally, my diagnosis came right around General Conference time. I have never clung to the messages of the prophets quite like I did during that Spring of 2010. Messages felt like they were directed right to me. Elder Oaks gave a talk on Healing the Sick and I felt like God knew my personal problems. Elder Hallstrom spoke about Turning to the Lord and I knew I wanted to be the kind of disciple that leaned on the Savior during times of trial. And Sister Beck spoke powerfully about personal revelation in a talk that I still refer to often because there is so much great counsel in it. 

Though my cancer was eradicated very quickly, I was able to hold on to the lessons I learned that spring about the value of General Conference. Because conference talks are so accessible these days, I have developed a habit over the years of listening to one conference talk each morning while I get ready for the day. I just push play on my phone while I'm putting on my makeup or picking out my clothes. It's amazing to me how well I can get to know the messages in the talks after listening this way. I can testify that on many occasions, the words of our leaders have come to my mind as an answer to a question I'm having or a doubt I may be experiencing. And it has helped me to help loved ones with the problems they face because there always seems to be a conference talk to comfort in times of trial. 

I know that if we take the time to come to conference with sincere questions, God will answer them. And as we study the talks and listen and re-listen, he will help to answer our prayers and the prayers of others through his inspired leaders. 

General Conference has Something for You

Cross Country

Both Maddie and Isaac are running on their school's cross country team this fall. I made them do it. They were not happy with me, but I felt that it would give them some good experience being part of a team, get some exercise, and learn a great life skill--being able to run a few miles. I think it's growing on them. They no longer whine about all the practices (or how it hurts to walk down the stairs with sore muscles) and they are eager to participate in the meets each week.

There is something special about the culture of running. Everyone cheers each other on and there's just a great team spirit--no crazy parents yelling angrily at coaches and stuff like that. Since running is an individual sport, it's a great way to teach our kids about racing against their own time and beating their own PRs. Isaac improves every week, I love watching him run. Maddie is one of the slower runners on her team, but she finishes every race. I was so proud of her today as I watched her push herself through the very last stretch and give it her all as she crossed the finish line. As she told me, "I didn't want to leave any fuel in my tank, mom!"

Beautiful Maine

Isn't this photo just the greatest? It screams "SUMMER" to me in so many ways. Now, full disclosure---if you know me well---you know that there are many things about Maine that I would change if I had a magic wand (i.e. eradicate all ticks, bring in a Target, a Costco, and move family closer), but summer and especially fall are so beautiful here. Like, "I'm living in a romance novel" beautiful. Put midcoast Maine on your bucket list. You won't regret it.

A Little More Compassion

Today in this moment I just feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life. Life can be so challenging, and I try to imagine that everyone is doing the very best they can. It helps me love them more than when I judge them or try to change their behavior (even though the judging and wanting THEM to change is so easy to do!). I am discovering that when I am more compassionate with others, it helps me to be more compassionate with myself, and vice versa. And couldn't we all use a little more compassion? There is a quote by Theodore Roosevelt that I recently read:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."

Here's to being less of a critic, both to ourselves (especially to ourselves)  and all the others doing their best in the arena of life.

Essentialism

Essentialism, by Greg McKeown, is hand's down one of the most highly influential books I've read this year. I did a mix of listening to the audiobook and reading the text and found both to be interesting and applicable. A few of the big take-aways that I got from McKeown's book are:

• If you don't take control of your life/schedule/calendar, someone else will.
• Less is better. 
• Everyone is given the same amount of hours in a day. Decide what is most important to you and let your time spent be a reflection of those values.
• If it isn't a clear "yes", then it's a clear "no". Anytime we say "yes" to something, we are consciously or subconsciously saying "no" to something else. The idea that we can "do it all" is a lie. 
• You can multi-task but you can't multi-focus.
• Almost everything we do is nonessential. Weed out the unimportant stuff.
• Beware the bareness of a busy life.
• Ask yourself, "How do you want to be remembered a hundred years from now?"

"What if we stopped celebrating BEING BUSY as a measure of importance? What if instead we celebrated how much TIME we spent LISTENING, PONDERING, MEDITATING, and ENJOYING time with the most important people in our lives?"--Greg McKeown

My Butterfly

Recently Nathan has become uncharacteristically clingy in public--hiding behind me when adults talk to him, gluing himself to my leg, and refusing to communicate in anything but a strange animal noise language (wha???). He once loved to go to visit the ladies that work with Ryan because they dote on him and give him treats and make him feel like a million bucks, but these days he just hides his face whenever we walk into their office. 

If Isaac had pulled this kind of stunt as a young kid, it would have totally freaked me out. I would have been reading books about what might be wrong with him, losing sleep over his timidness, and trying everything I could to change his behavior.

Experience, though, is a great teacher, and if I've learned one lesson over and over as a parent, it's that  I can't control my children (or anyone else for that matter). And I don't need to (hallelujah!). If Nathan wants to be uncharacteristically shy, he totally can. And I can love him anyway. When he's ready, he will spread his little chatterbox wings and take off, just like this butterfly (that, as you can see, he was too shy to set free yesterday). 

A Few Favorite Read-Alouds

Over the past few months the kids and I have read several really great books together, and I always love to share a good find. My kids get enough goofy, fluffy reading in (hello Calvin and Hobbes!), so I try to choose books with a moral or social message when I read to them. Each of the following books allows for great discussion on how to treat other children who might be a little bit different than you.

Ally Nickerson has never felt smart, until she meets a teacher who cares enough to see her true intelligence. 

Melody is a 12-year-old girl who was born with severe cerebral palsy. She has a million thoughts going on in her head but has never spoken a word out loud. Read what life might be like to have so many ideas and thoughts and not be able to express them. 

You've likely heard of Wonder and Auggie Pullman, but in case you've been living under a rock for the past few years, let me just put in a plug for this book. It will tear at your heart strings. Auggie was born with mandifulofacial dystostis, a rare facial deformity. Wonder takes place as Auggie is beginning his fifth grade year at a private school after being home-schooled his entire life. It is told from several different perspectives and will have you falling in love with Auggie and his entire family. Wonder is being made into a movie that will be released this fall. Here's a trailer. Everyone ages 8-108 should read this book. 

Keeping Commitments

Many people are dependable and reliable when it comes to keeping commitments to others, but struggle to keep commitments they make to themselves (I'll exercise...tomorrow...eat healthy...one day...get up early...next week...). I have been known to fall into that category. In an attempt to exercise my writing skills and hopefully improve them, I made a commitment to no one but myself that I would write a blog post each day for 30 days. Because I said I would. Here's to writing and improving each day. Wish me luck. And more than anything, hopefully I'm learning keep my commitments to myself.

The Load

I recently read a book by Ryan Holiday titled The Obstacle is the Way and his ideas have been floating around in my brain ever since. The premise of this particular self-help book is that obstacles or trials in our lives will become the very things that strengthen us if we let them. Not in spite of them but because of them. Holiday gives many many examples from history to prove his point, with inspirational figures from Abraham Lincoln to Amelia Earhart to Marcus Aurelius.

"The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, with every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition."

I have thought a lot about the current obstacles I am facing and how, instead of trying to convince myself that what I'm going through "isn't that bad" (which is better than wallowing in self-pity--I'm a pro at that), I can focus on how my particular trials are shaping me into the kind of person I want to be. Better than before, as Gretchen Rubin would say.

"Your biggest problem is that you think you shouldn't have them."--Tony Robbins

In April of 2014 Elder David A. Bednar gave a talk in General Conference called "Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease". You might remember him telling the story of a friend who got stuck in the mountains in his new 4-wheel-drive truck after attempting to bring home fire wood for the winter. It wasn't until he loaded the back of  his pick-up truck with wood that his tires had enough traction to get unstuck from the snow. It was the load of wood that ended up helping to set him free.

"Each of us also carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints...Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness."

Why is the load necessary? Why can't life just be easy? Wouldn't we be happier without problems? And doesn't God want us to be happy? Of course He does, so He provided a way through His Son.

  "The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely on the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah." -Elder Bednar

The load will humble us and help us turn to Him ,and eventually return to Him.

The Cyclist

One of Nathan's favorite things to do is ride his bike. He goes around and around and around the driveway. We first tested Balance Bikes with Davis. It was pretty amazing to watch him first scoot around on our neighbor's little bike with no pedals and then, once he got the balancing down, transition right into a regular 2-wheeler. No training wheels needed. Nathan had a similar experience. He practiced on his balance bike until he could zoom around without falling and then we bought him a little two-wheeler. I love seeing their confidence grow as they learn new skills. I'm pretty sure Nathan thinks he's the fastest cyclist in the world when he rides around on his little white bike.

Laundry Hack

Laundry was once the bane of my existence as a mother---until my MIL taught me her secrets. Mary-Ann is genius at home organization. She made a few minor changes to our laundry room (like the small shelf and the clothing rod seen in this photo). Now I hang up all of my clothes, all of Ryan's clothes, and all of my children's clothes as soon as they are dry. PJs, shorts, socks, and undies go directly in individual baskets which each child is responsible for putting away. All of the older kids are also responsible for placing their hanged-up clothes in their respective closets (Nathan isn't quite tall enough). I do laundry once a week and it never leaves the laundry room unless it's folded or hung up because it takes me just a few minutes to put the clothes on hangers. Gone are the days when I had 5 baskets of laundry to fold at a time. I take 10 min each time the dryer buzzes on laundry day and I only have to deal with it then. It's glorious. I actually don't dread laundry anymore. This system has saved me from laundry hell. I love it.

How I Built This

Are you into podcasts? If so, what are your favorites? If not, what are you waiting for?! I'm a self-proclaimed podcast junkie. I listen to them when I'm cooking, cleaning, driving, and even exercising. How I Built This is one of my new favorites. It's put on by NPR, so it's nice and polished, and Guy Raz (a household favorite of ours) is the host. Each week he interviews a different entrepreneur about how their successful business came to be. Every single episode is interesting and motivating and leaves me thinking, 'What could I create into a business?' My favorite episode so far is his interview with Sara Blakely, the inventor of Spanx undergarments. It's just so inspiring and interesting, you can't help but cheer her on.

Must-See TV

Have you seen the Great British Baking Show? I'd heard buzz about it for awhile but frankly thought it sounded like a snoozer so I avoided it. Curiosity finally got the best of me and once I started watching it was hook, line, and sinker. I even got Ryan to willingly watch it with me. It's like any other reality TV show but it's unlike any other reality TV show because there is virtually NO drama between contestants. No back-biting, no sabotaging, and no snarky remarks at or about the judges. It's totally a show that the whole family can watch (Davis, my little sous chef, joined us a few times). Give it a watch for a couple of episodes, you might be surprised how much you like it. Now excuse me while I go try to master the art of baking French Macarons.

Project 333

I recently heard of Project 333 while watching a documentary on Netflix about Minimalism. I was in the thick of working on some really intense fitness goals, but I told myself that once I accomplished those goals, I would focus on Project 333. I'm still working on those fitness goals, but a friend motivated me to take the plunge with this project and the positive peer pressure won out.

If you've never heard of it before, it's a minimalist idea that centers on clothing---you narrow your closet down to 33 items and you wear only those for 3 months and box the rest of it up and get it out of sight. This includes shoes, jewelry (except for sentimental pieces like wedding rings), outerwear, and accessories (like gloves, hats, scarves). It does not include undergarments, lounge clothes, or exercise clothes (unless you wear them all day long). You can read more about it here. I took the challenge on three weeks ago and I must say that I really like it. I said goodbye to a cluttered closet! Goodbye to decision fatigue about what to wear! And goodbye to purchasing items I don't really need just because they are "on sale." I'm now much more interested in clothing that fits me great and that can stand the test of time.

I didn't mention this project I took on to Ryan because I was curious to see if he would notice. He didn't! We'll see how I feel about my clothes in another 2 months, but something tells me this minimalist idea is one I will want to stick with.

Maddie @ Nine Years Old

On a date with her to downtown Camden. 

Making post cards at our family reunion in Bear Lake.  

Marshall Point Light House. One of our most favorite spots in all of Maine. 

Maddie is such a light in my life. There are so many qualities about her of which I am proud. She is kind, thoughtful, gracious, intelligent, hard-working, and compassionate. She loves her family and shows that love often. I want to hang on to nine-year-old Maddie forever. She just ran her first cross-country meet yesterday and I am so proud of her. Running is hard work and she is doing so well with it. She currently loves Harry Potter, white bread, mint flavored ice cream, and sugar snap peas. She still lets me read to her and kisses me goodnight every night. She is one of my life's greatest blessings.