Red Sox Game

Our family met up with Lynn and Mary-Ann this weekend in Boston for a Red Sox game. Everyone should visit Fenway Park at least once in their life. I'm no baseball expert but it's a pretty cool stadium and a great atmosphere.
As we made the 8 hour round trip drive to the game and back, Ryan and I reflected on how much easier it is to travel with our kids than it was a few years ago. Nathan has been known to scream for the majority of cross-country moves, on 5 hour plane rides, and everywhere in between. Some of those days were rough. These days, though? These days are great. We are in a really sweet spot between not having anyone in diapers or car seats, and yet they are all still young enough that they want to spend time with us. I'll do my best to soak it all in while I can.

Doing Hard Things

I know I've written about this season's cross country team, but seriously, I am loving it! It's pretty much impossible for me to watch a meet without tearing up a little bit. Running is hard work and distance running especially takes so much determination and mental motivation. Running is such a metaphor for life. We just have to keep going. And get up every time we fall. It's a race to become our own best selves, better every day. I could go on and on.

Maddie set a goal at a practice this week to run the entire race on Thursday without stopping. Her coach (and principal) overheard her and said, in front of the whole team, "If you accomplish your goal, I'll buy popsicles for the entire team." Her good friend, worried about the pressure that it might put on Maddie, replied, "That's not fair to her, coach..." Without skipping a beat, Maddie whipped her head around and jokingly but reassuringly replied to Sophie, "Don't you believe in me?!!"

It's hard to catch a smile on Ike's face while he's running. It's usually 100% determination. But there's a tiny one there if you look close. 

Her improvement this season has been so exciting for me to watch. 

Giving it her at as she crossed the finish line. She and her teammate were neck and neck, but the pulled ahead at the end "by an inch" she said. 

I seriously love watching my kids finish a race. No one was near him during this final stretch, but I still watched Isaac push it as hard as he could so that he could beat his own time. 

Maddie ended up running yesterday's race without stopping once (a first!). The coach told me he would make good on his promise. "Looks like your daughter is going to cost me some money."

Welcome to the club, Mr. Russo.

Isaac's Date Night Out

When I was a kid my most favorite thing was one-on-one time with either my mom or my dad. There is something super awesome about not having to compete with anyone for the attention of your parents. Years ago I decided that I wanted to make one-on-one time a priority with our children, so as soon as Ryan finished his busy medical residency, we made a plan of how to make that happen. It's not fool-proof, but if we follow it, it usually assures that each of our kids gets four one-on-one dates per year, which, in my book, is a pretty good start.

The first Sunday of every month, either Ryan or I will take each of the kids aside separately and give them an interview. We've tried setting goals (but never really been too successful at following through), but we mostly just talk to the kids. Sometimes I print off a little questionnaire (there's no shortage of "Questions to Ask Your Children" on Pinterest), and sometimes we just chat for a few minutes. The interview usually involves some kind of treat or snack (popcorn is a family favorite) and we always make sure to schedule the date nights for the month during the interview. If we don't schedule them, they don't happen. One child each month gets a one-on-one date with the parent of their choice, and the other 2 children get what we term a "late-over." (Nathan won't get late-overs or one-on-one dates until he goes to school because every day is a one-on-one date with me and him) Late overs usually consist of playing a game with mom and/or dad after the other kids have gone to bed. Late overs usually last 15-20 minutes. Date nights have included movies, window shopping, bowling, and trips to the over-priced candy shop. It's usually child-choice. The kids love it. And if we plan it, it's not a big deal to execute. It doesn't feel unmanageable or overwhelming.

Last night was Isaac's turn for a date night out. He chose to see the new Ninjago movie with me. I spoiled him with popcorn and candy and even let him get the soda of his choice--Pepsi. There were just a few of us in the theatre and he and I laughed and laughed at all the silly jokes. I hope he remembers nights like that. I know I will.

Podcast Recommendation

 I've mentioned before that I'm a podcast junkie--I seriously LOVE them. I listen to at least one a day (often several). There are just so many good ones! One of those very good ones is Bold New Mom. Jody Moore is a life coach that specializes in working with LDS mothers. Now, before your thoughts run wild about how cooky life coaches are (been there, believe me), you should really give her a chance. She has great ideas that have honestly changed my outlook on life and the relationships that are important to me. I love her work so much that I decided to join her community of moms and I'm loving it. She specializes in empowering women to make the most of their lives. Give her a listen!

 I love this quote--because when it really comes down to it, what other people think of me is none of my business! What matters is what I think of me (and how I choose to love them).

 I once heard the thought that "a mother is only as happy as her saddest child" and it's bothered me ever since! I can be happy and want my kids to be happy without NEEDING them to be happy. That is their choice to make--their emotions are not mine to control.

I can always choose to choose love. And I love that. 

Ramblings on Motherhood

Popham Beach in August. Isaac was behind the camera and Maddie is crouching in the background.

In the past I have often worried that my weaknesses and inadequacies as a mother might negatively affect my children (What will they be telling their therapist about me/their childhood in 30 years while laying on a Chaise lounge with their eyes closed?). It at times has kept me up at night, riddled with guilt and even shame for not giving them a perfect role model. Just writing that down sounds ridiculous--who is even capable of that??

I recently heard a much more empowering thought that has helped me feel much less guilty and much more empowered as a mom: Of course my weaknesses and inadequacies are going to negatively affect my children---duh! But maybe, just maybe, my lack of perfection and specific set of weaknesses is just what they need in this life to learn and grow into the best person they can be. 

My weaknesses just might bring out their strengths and give them the opportunity to grow. Whether it's true or not, it feels much more liberating to me--I don't have to be perfect! I couldn't be no matter how hard I tried! But that might be just what my kids need. And that thought right there helps me show up for my family much better than any unattainable perfectionist expectations ever could.

Weaving Our Spiritual Tapestry

I'm going to share this video for FHE tonight--I just watched it for the first time and it's beautiful so I couldn't not share it here. "We might be able to be a miracle in someone else's life." What a great message to teach our children.

Answers to Questions

When Davis was a brand new baby, I was diagnosed with melanoma. It was a scary and uncertain time for Ryan and I. But it was also filled with a peace that I can't quite explain. I know Heavenly Father was watching over my family during that difficult time. Not coincidentally, my diagnosis came right around General Conference time. I have never clung to the messages of the prophets quite like I did during that Spring of 2010. Messages felt like they were directed right to me. Elder Oaks gave a talk on Healing the Sick and I felt like God knew my personal problems. Elder Hallstrom spoke about Turning to the Lord and I knew I wanted to be the kind of disciple that leaned on the Savior during times of trial. And Sister Beck spoke powerfully about personal revelation in a talk that I still refer to often because there is so much great counsel in it. 

Though my cancer was eradicated very quickly, I was able to hold on to the lessons I learned that spring about the value of General Conference. Because conference talks are so accessible these days, I have developed a habit over the years of listening to one conference talk each morning while I get ready for the day. I just push play on my phone while I'm putting on my makeup or picking out my clothes. It's amazing to me how well I can get to know the messages in the talks after listening this way. I can testify that on many occasions, the words of our leaders have come to my mind as an answer to a question I'm having or a doubt I may be experiencing. And it has helped me to help loved ones with the problems they face because there always seems to be a conference talk to comfort in times of trial. 

I know that if we take the time to come to conference with sincere questions, God will answer them. And as we study the talks and listen and re-listen, he will help to answer our prayers and the prayers of others through his inspired leaders. 

General Conference has Something for You

Cross Country

Both Maddie and Isaac are running on their school's cross country team this fall. I made them do it. They were not happy with me, but I felt that it would give them some good experience being part of a team, get some exercise, and learn a great life skill--being able to run a few miles. I think it's growing on them. They no longer whine about all the practices (or how it hurts to walk down the stairs with sore muscles) and they are eager to participate in the meets each week.

There is something special about the culture of running. Everyone cheers each other on and there's just a great team spirit--no crazy parents yelling angrily at coaches and stuff like that. Since running is an individual sport, it's a great way to teach our kids about racing against their own time and beating their own PRs. Isaac improves every week, I love watching him run. Maddie is one of the slower runners on her team, but she finishes every race. I was so proud of her today as I watched her push herself through the very last stretch and give it her all as she crossed the finish line. As she told me, "I didn't want to leave any fuel in my tank, mom!"

Beautiful Maine

Isn't this photo just the greatest? It screams "SUMMER" to me in so many ways. Now, full disclosure---if you know me well---you know that there are many things about Maine that I would change if I had a magic wand (i.e. eradicate all ticks, bring in a Target, a Costco, and move family closer), but summer and especially fall are so beautiful here. Like, "I'm living in a romance novel" beautiful. Put midcoast Maine on your bucket list. You won't regret it.

A Little More Compassion

Today in this moment I just feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life. Life can be so challenging, and I try to imagine that everyone is doing the very best they can. It helps me love them more than when I judge them or try to change their behavior (even though the judging and wanting THEM to change is so easy to do!). I am discovering that when I am more compassionate with others, it helps me to be more compassionate with myself, and vice versa. And couldn't we all use a little more compassion? There is a quote by Theodore Roosevelt that I recently read:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."

Here's to being less of a critic, both to ourselves (especially to ourselves)  and all the others doing their best in the arena of life.

Essentialism

Essentialism, by Greg McKeown, is hand's down one of the most highly influential books I've read this year. I did a mix of listening to the audiobook and reading the text and found both to be interesting and applicable. A few of the big take-aways that I got from McKeown's book are:

• If you don't take control of your life/schedule/calendar, someone else will.
• Less is better. 
• Everyone is given the same amount of hours in a day. Decide what is most important to you and let your time spent be a reflection of those values.
• If it isn't a clear "yes", then it's a clear "no". Anytime we say "yes" to something, we are consciously or subconsciously saying "no" to something else. The idea that we can "do it all" is a lie. 
• You can multi-task but you can't multi-focus.
• Almost everything we do is nonessential. Weed out the unimportant stuff.
• Beware the bareness of a busy life.
• Ask yourself, "How do you want to be remembered a hundred years from now?"

"What if we stopped celebrating BEING BUSY as a measure of importance? What if instead we celebrated how much TIME we spent LISTENING, PONDERING, MEDITATING, and ENJOYING time with the most important people in our lives?"--Greg McKeown

My Butterfly

Recently Nathan has become uncharacteristically clingy in public--hiding behind me when adults talk to him, gluing himself to my leg, and refusing to communicate in anything but a strange animal noise language (wha???). He once loved to go to visit the ladies that work with Ryan because they dote on him and give him treats and make him feel like a million bucks, but these days he just hides his face whenever we walk into their office. 

If Isaac had pulled this kind of stunt as a young kid, it would have totally freaked me out. I would have been reading books about what might be wrong with him, losing sleep over his timidness, and trying everything I could to change his behavior.

Experience, though, is a great teacher, and if I've learned one lesson over and over as a parent, it's that  I can't control my children (or anyone else for that matter). And I don't need to (hallelujah!). If Nathan wants to be uncharacteristically shy, he totally can. And I can love him anyway. When he's ready, he will spread his little chatterbox wings and take off, just like this butterfly (that, as you can see, he was too shy to set free yesterday). 

A Few Favorite Read-Alouds

Over the past few months the kids and I have read several really great books together, and I always love to share a good find. My kids get enough goofy, fluffy reading in (hello Calvin and Hobbes!), so I try to choose books with a moral or social message when I read to them. Each of the following books allows for great discussion on how to treat other children who might be a little bit different than you.

Ally Nickerson has never felt smart, until she meets a teacher who cares enough to see her true intelligence. 

Melody is a 12-year-old girl who was born with severe cerebral palsy. She has a million thoughts going on in her head but has never spoken a word out loud. Read what life might be like to have so many ideas and thoughts and not be able to express them. 

You've likely heard of Wonder and Auggie Pullman, but in case you've been living under a rock for the past few years, let me just put in a plug for this book. It will tear at your heart strings. Auggie was born with mandifulofacial dystostis, a rare facial deformity. Wonder takes place as Auggie is beginning his fifth grade year at a private school after being home-schooled his entire life. It is told from several different perspectives and will have you falling in love with Auggie and his entire family. Wonder is being made into a movie that will be released this fall. Here's a trailer. Everyone ages 8-108 should read this book. 

Keeping Commitments

Many people are dependable and reliable when it comes to keeping commitments to others, but struggle to keep commitments they make to themselves (I'll exercise...tomorrow...eat healthy...one day...get up early...next week...). I have been known to fall into that category. In an attempt to exercise my writing skills and hopefully improve them, I made a commitment to no one but myself that I would write a blog post each day for 30 days. Because I said I would. Here's to writing and improving each day. Wish me luck. And more than anything, hopefully I'm learning keep my commitments to myself.

The Load

I recently read a book by Ryan Holiday titled The Obstacle is the Way and his ideas have been floating around in my brain ever since. The premise of this particular self-help book is that obstacles or trials in our lives will become the very things that strengthen us if we let them. Not in spite of them but because of them. Holiday gives many many examples from history to prove his point, with inspirational figures from Abraham Lincoln to Amelia Earhart to Marcus Aurelius.

"The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, with every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition."

I have thought a lot about the current obstacles I am facing and how, instead of trying to convince myself that what I'm going through "isn't that bad" (which is better than wallowing in self-pity--I'm a pro at that), I can focus on how my particular trials are shaping me into the kind of person I want to be. Better than before, as Gretchen Rubin would say.

"Your biggest problem is that you think you shouldn't have them."--Tony Robbins

In April of 2014 Elder David A. Bednar gave a talk in General Conference called "Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease". You might remember him telling the story of a friend who got stuck in the mountains in his new 4-wheel-drive truck after attempting to bring home fire wood for the winter. It wasn't until he loaded the back of  his pick-up truck with wood that his tires had enough traction to get unstuck from the snow. It was the load of wood that ended up helping to set him free.

"Each of us also carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints...Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness."

Why is the load necessary? Why can't life just be easy? Wouldn't we be happier without problems? And doesn't God want us to be happy? Of course He does, so He provided a way through His Son.

  "The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely on the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah." -Elder Bednar

The load will humble us and help us turn to Him ,and eventually return to Him.

The Cyclist

One of Nathan's favorite things to do is ride his bike. He goes around and around and around the driveway. We first tested Balance Bikes with Davis. It was pretty amazing to watch him first scoot around on our neighbor's little bike with no pedals and then, once he got the balancing down, transition right into a regular 2-wheeler. No training wheels needed. Nathan had a similar experience. He practiced on his balance bike until he could zoom around without falling and then we bought him a little two-wheeler. I love seeing their confidence grow as they learn new skills. I'm pretty sure Nathan thinks he's the fastest cyclist in the world when he rides around on his little white bike.

Laundry Hack

Laundry was once the bane of my existence as a mother---until my MIL taught me her secrets. Mary-Ann is genius at home organization. She made a few minor changes to our laundry room (like the small shelf and the clothing rod seen in this photo). Now I hang up all of my clothes, all of Ryan's clothes, and all of my children's clothes as soon as they are dry. PJs, shorts, socks, and undies go directly in individual baskets which each child is responsible for putting away. All of the older kids are also responsible for placing their hanged-up clothes in their respective closets (Nathan isn't quite tall enough). I do laundry once a week and it never leaves the laundry room unless it's folded or hung up because it takes me just a few minutes to put the clothes on hangers. Gone are the days when I had 5 baskets of laundry to fold at a time. I take 10 min each time the dryer buzzes on laundry day and I only have to deal with it then. It's glorious. I actually don't dread laundry anymore. This system has saved me from laundry hell. I love it.

How I Built This

Are you into podcasts? If so, what are your favorites? If not, what are you waiting for?! I'm a self-proclaimed podcast junkie. I listen to them when I'm cooking, cleaning, driving, and even exercising. How I Built This is one of my new favorites. It's put on by NPR, so it's nice and polished, and Guy Raz (a household favorite of ours) is the host. Each week he interviews a different entrepreneur about how their successful business came to be. Every single episode is interesting and motivating and leaves me thinking, 'What could I create into a business?' My favorite episode so far is his interview with Sara Blakely, the inventor of Spanx undergarments. It's just so inspiring and interesting, you can't help but cheer her on.

Must-See TV

Have you seen the Great British Baking Show? I'd heard buzz about it for awhile but frankly thought it sounded like a snoozer so I avoided it. Curiosity finally got the best of me and once I started watching it was hook, line, and sinker. I even got Ryan to willingly watch it with me. It's like any other reality TV show but it's unlike any other reality TV show because there is virtually NO drama between contestants. No back-biting, no sabotaging, and no snarky remarks at or about the judges. It's totally a show that the whole family can watch (Davis, my little sous chef, joined us a few times). Give it a watch for a couple of episodes, you might be surprised how much you like it. Now excuse me while I go try to master the art of baking French Macarons.

Project 333

I recently heard of Project 333 while watching a documentary on Netflix about Minimalism. I was in the thick of working on some really intense fitness goals, but I told myself that once I accomplished those goals, I would focus on Project 333. I'm still working on those fitness goals, but a friend motivated me to take the plunge with this project and the positive peer pressure won out.

If you've never heard of it before, it's a minimalist idea that centers on clothing---you narrow your closet down to 33 items and you wear only those for 3 months and box the rest of it up and get it out of sight. This includes shoes, jewelry (except for sentimental pieces like wedding rings), outerwear, and accessories (like gloves, hats, scarves). It does not include undergarments, lounge clothes, or exercise clothes (unless you wear them all day long). You can read more about it here. I took the challenge on three weeks ago and I must say that I really like it. I said goodbye to a cluttered closet! Goodbye to decision fatigue about what to wear! And goodbye to purchasing items I don't really need just because they are "on sale." I'm now much more interested in clothing that fits me great and that can stand the test of time.

I didn't mention this project I took on to Ryan because I was curious to see if he would notice. He didn't! We'll see how I feel about my clothes in another 2 months, but something tells me this minimalist idea is one I will want to stick with.

Maddie @ Nine Years Old

On a date with her to downtown Camden. 

Making post cards at our family reunion in Bear Lake.  

Marshall Point Light House. One of our most favorite spots in all of Maine. 

Maddie is such a light in my life. There are so many qualities about her of which I am proud. She is kind, thoughtful, gracious, intelligent, hard-working, and compassionate. She loves her family and shows that love often. I want to hang on to nine-year-old Maddie forever. She just ran her first cross-country meet yesterday and I am so proud of her. Running is hard work and she is doing so well with it. She currently loves Harry Potter, white bread, mint flavored ice cream, and sugar snap peas. She still lets me read to her and kisses me goodnight every night. She is one of my life's greatest blessings.