Isaac and Ryan shortly after Isaac was born
I can't believe my little boy is a year old today! I have been so sentimental all morning just looking at pictures of when he was first born and even reading his "birth story" (yes, I actually wrote down what happened a couple of weeks after he was born) that I have even gotten misty-eyed a few times. So misty-eyed that I decided to post the story that I wrote a year ago. Feel free to stop reading now. Don't say I didn't warn you.
March 20, 2007
The following is sort of a journal/letter to Isaac Mitchell Payne. As his mother, I wanted to write about the experiences of the past 10 days. It has been an adventure and emotional roller coaster to say the least, but I feel like I am not the same person that I was before he was born and I wanted to write these memories and feelings down before I start to forget them.
Early Friday morning, March 9th, I woke up at about 1am in a mad rush to the bathroom. It was not unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom--in fact, it happened every night because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and my poor bladder couldn't last through an entire night's sleep! This little bathroom excursion was different, though. I have never had to go to the bathroom that bad, and I remember thinking "This is so much! I don't remember drinking this much water last night!" The thought came to my head that my water might have broken. I had heard that when your water breaks it often feels like you have to use the bathroom really bad. I quickly convinced myself that that couldn't be possible--I was still 2 weeks away from my due date and not at all ready for him to come!! I didn't even wake Ryan up--I was convinced that it was a false alarm and that there was no need to wake him--plus, I was kind of embarrassed--hello, I’m 28 years old and I wet my pants! Still I went into Isaac's nursery and started reading a book that we received from our birthing class. It said that if your water breaks, you should notify your doctor immediately. Still unconvinced, I went back to bed to try and get some sleep, but I still kept wondering if my water really did break. I finally woke Ryan up at 2am and told him the news. He, of course, was unsure as well. We went upstairs and looked up a couple of things on WebMD.com (since it's an all-knowing website just like Wikepedia) and decided to call the hospital. They told us to come right in. I thought for sure they would send me home because I wasn’t having contractions or any other signs of labor. I showered and did my hair so that Ryan could drop me off at work after our little hospital visit.
Soon after we got to the hospital they tested the fluid to find out whether it really was amniotic fluid. I called the long-term sub that I had arranged and told her that I thought my water had broke, but not to tell anyone that I was in labor just in case I wet my pants. I did not want to go to work on Monday after everyone thought my water had broke and inform them all that it was just a weak bladder. I called the secretary and told her that I wasn’t feeling well. A few minutes later the doctors came in and informed me that my water indeed did break. I called Aby (the sub) back and let her know that I would need her 2 weeks early. She was ecstatic and told me it would be no problem.
25 hours after being admitted to the hospital and 29 hours after my water broke, Isaac Mitchell Payne was born. It took my body about 24 and ½ hours to jump-start itself and get ready for Isaac to come. Once I was dilated enough, I only had to push 3 times before he popped out. I was thankful for that because the pain medication had begun to wear off and I didn’t have much left in me. They placed him on my stomach and had Ryan cut the umbilical cord. It was a rush of emotions and exhaustion, so I really don’t remember all of my thoughts except that I was so happy he had finally come and I was worried that I was going to fall off of the bed because the nurse let my leg go and because of the epidural I couldn’t lift it back on the table by myself! Ryan and the nurse cleaned Isaac up and Ryan brought him right over to me. He looked exactly like his dad’s baby pictures!! I remember being so happy that he looked like Ryan—I had told Ryan on the way to the hospital, “I hope he looks just like you!” He did get my brown hair and his feet are exactly like mine (poor guy!), but other than that, he’s his daddy’s boy. He is beautiful.
Everything else in the hospital went pretty much routine. We had the best nurses ever—one in particular was named Kathy. She called Isaac “peanut” because he was the smallest baby in the nursery-5 lbs, 15oz, and 18 inches long. Ginger, the nurse who took care of the babies in the nursery fell in love with him as well. We wanted to keep him in our room most of the time and she asked us to bring him back so she could take care of him!
The day Isaac was brought home from the hospital
On Monday morning the 12th of March we were discharged from the hospital. Isaac’s doctor, Shana Eborn, let us know that his billirubin levels were a little bit higher than normal and she wanted to have his blood tested on Wednesday to make sure that he wasn’t in danger of jaundice. We weren’t too concerned because we knew that jaundice was a common illness among newborn babies.
On Wednesday morning we took him to the doctor and they got a sample of his blood. Dr. Eborn called us back on Wednesday afternoon and told us that we needed to rush him to Primary Children’s Medical Center because his billirubin levels had skyrocketed from an 11 to a 24. When levels get into the 30s and 40s they can be very dangerous and even cause brain damage in infants. Ryan and I packed a bag and drove him to the emergency room. I was, of course, extremely worried about him. Just before we left for the hospital, Ryan and Devin gave Isaac a blessing. It was one of the most tender things I have ever seen—Ryan loves Isaac so much, even at only four days old. I held Isaac during the blessing and listened as Ryan blessed him with the ability to overcome his jaundice and be strong. I felt a peace come over me and I knew he would be ok.
After he was admitted to the hospital we met with several doctors who explained the possible side effects of high levels of billirubin (i.e. spotting on the brain and permanent damage) as well as the high likelihood that everything would work out just fine. He was admitted into the RTU (Rapid Therapy Unit) at Primary Children’s and they quickly hooked him up to monitors and put him under the florescent lights. It was a very emotional time for me. I was so concerned about Isaac and I was also dealing with the pain and discomfort of having just gone through labor 4 days earlier. I remember calling my mother and just sobbing. I tried to explain to her that Isaac’s condition was a very common one and that everything was going to work out fine, but I couldn’t completely convince myself of that. She began to cry as well and when I said “It happens to newborn babies all of the time,” she said, “I know, but it’s different when it’s your newborn baby.” That was exactly how I felt. I knew in my heart of hearts that he would be ok, but it was still so heart-wrenching to see him hooked up to so many monitors and not be able to hold him. I felt like I was abandoning him somehow. I was so grateful that Ryan was there with me. I don’t know how parents with sick children do it. It was so sad to be in that hospital and see so many sick kids. My heart went out to them and their parents. For the first time in my life I knew what my mom meant when she used to say “This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.” I just wanted to take his pain away and make him better.
Ryan was such a support that night in the hospital. He had to sleep on the floor because it was against fire code to have more than one fold-out bed in the room. He never complained about it once. He just slept on the tile floor. He was also so concerned about both Isaac’s and my well-being. I don’t know what I would do without that man! He is so amazing and such a strength to me. I really feel like I can do anything with him by my side.
All of the technicians and nurses were also wonderful. Two different lactation specialists came and watched me feed him and gave me invaluable information about nursing him. That really was a blessing in disguise because Isaac has become such a good eater due to the information and techniques that they taught us. I never would have had that if he had not been admitted to the hospital.
I remember walking into the bathroom the morning after Isaac had been admitted to the hospital. It was Thursday, March 15th. I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. I remember feeling so helpless and discouraged, almost like I was watching someone go through the experience instead of myself and there was nothing I could do to help. I came back to the room and just broke down and started sobbing. Ryan seemed to make everything better. He comforted me and calmed me down and I felt like I could go through it. Being able to hold and feed Isaac also helped so much. It gave me the hope I needed. Looking back in retrospect, it doesn’t seem like it was such a big deal, but those 24 hours were the hardest of my life. I’m sure that post-partum emotions played a BIG part, but more than anything I just wanted my son and family to be ok. I learned a lot about myself in those hours.
The night of the 15th the doctor came and told us that Isaac’s billirubin levels had gone down from 24 to 14, a significant drop, and that he would be able to be discharged. After they came and unhooked him from the monitors they let me hold him and gave us a few minutes alone. I just started sobbing. I can’t remember when I have ever cried quite like that. I just held him and I remember him looking up at me and the tears just wouldn’t stop. I truly felt the love of a mother. I have never loved something quite like I love Isaac.
Isaac and I a couple of days after he was declared "jaundice-free"
Looking back, I realize that Isaac being sick was nothing compared to what some people have seen their children suffer through, but at the time it was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am so grateful to have had the experience, however small and insignificant it might seem to someone else, it really helped prepare me for motherhood.
The day Isaac was discharged from Primary Children's
If you are still reading this, you have no one to blame but yourself because I totally warned you at the beginning...
Isaac and Ryan shortly after Isaac was born
I can't believe my little boy is a year old today! I have been so sentimental all morning just looking at pictures of when he was first born and even reading his "birth story" (yes, I actually wrote down what happened a couple of weeks after he was born) that I have even gotten misty-eyed a few times. So misty-eyed that I decided to post the story that I wrote a year ago. Feel free to stop reading now. Don't say I didn't warn you.
March 20, 2007
The following is sort of a journal/letter to Isaac Mitchell Payne. As his mother, I wanted to write about the experiences of the past 10 days. It has been an adventure and emotional roller coaster to say the least, but I feel like I am not the same person that I was before he was born and I wanted to write these memories and feelings down before I start to forget them.
Early Friday morning, March 9th, I woke up at about 1am in a mad rush to the bathroom. It was not unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night to use the restroom--in fact, it happened every night because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and my poor bladder couldn't last through an entire night's sleep! This little bathroom excursion was different, though. I have never had to go to the bathroom that bad, and I remember thinking "This is so much! I don't remember drinking this much water last night!" The thought came to my head that my water might have broken. I had heard that when your water breaks it often feels like you have to use the bathroom really bad. I quickly convinced myself that that couldn't be possible--I was still 2 weeks away from my due date and not at all ready for him to come!! I didn't even wake Ryan up--I was convinced that it was a false alarm and that there was no need to wake him--plus, I was kind of embarrassed--hello, I’m 28 years old and I wet my pants! Still I went into Isaac's nursery and started reading a book that we received from our birthing class. It said that if your water breaks, you should notify your doctor immediately. Still unconvinced, I went back to bed to try and get some sleep, but I still kept wondering if my water really did break. I finally woke Ryan up at 2am and told him the news. He, of course, was unsure as well. We went upstairs and looked up a couple of things on WebMD.com (since it's an all-knowing website just like Wikepedia) and decided to call the hospital. They told us to come right in. I thought for sure they would send me home because I wasn’t having contractions or any other signs of labor. I showered and did my hair so that Ryan could drop me off at work after our little hospital visit.
Soon after we got to the hospital they tested the fluid to find out whether it really was amniotic fluid. I called the long-term sub that I had arranged and told her that I thought my water had broke, but not to tell anyone that I was in labor just in case I wet my pants. I did not want to go to work on Monday after everyone thought my water had broke and inform them all that it was just a weak bladder. I called the secretary and told her that I wasn’t feeling well. A few minutes later the doctors came in and informed me that my water indeed did break. I called Aby (the sub) back and let her know that I would need her 2 weeks early. She was ecstatic and told me it would be no problem.
25 hours after being admitted to the hospital and 29 hours after my water broke, Isaac Mitchell Payne was born. It took my body about 24 and ½ hours to jump-start itself and get ready for Isaac to come. Once I was dilated enough, I only had to push 3 times before he popped out. I was thankful for that because the pain medication had begun to wear off and I didn’t have much left in me. They placed him on my stomach and had Ryan cut the umbilical cord. It was a rush of emotions and exhaustion, so I really don’t remember all of my thoughts except that I was so happy he had finally come and I was worried that I was going to fall off of the bed because the nurse let my leg go and because of the epidural I couldn’t lift it back on the table by myself! Ryan and the nurse cleaned Isaac up and Ryan brought him right over to me. He looked exactly like his dad’s baby pictures!! I remember being so happy that he looked like Ryan—I had told Ryan on the way to the hospital, “I hope he looks just like you!” He did get my brown hair and his feet are exactly like mine (poor guy!), but other than that, he’s his daddy’s boy. He is beautiful.
Everything else in the hospital went pretty much routine. We had the best nurses ever—one in particular was named Kathy. She called Isaac “peanut” because he was the smallest baby in the nursery-5 lbs, 15oz, and 18 inches long. Ginger, the nurse who took care of the babies in the nursery fell in love with him as well. We wanted to keep him in our room most of the time and she asked us to bring him back so she could take care of him!
The day Isaac was brought home from the hospital
On Monday morning the 12th of March we were discharged from the hospital. Isaac’s doctor, Shana Eborn, let us know that his billirubin levels were a little bit higher than normal and she wanted to have his blood tested on Wednesday to make sure that he wasn’t in danger of jaundice. We weren’t too concerned because we knew that jaundice was a common illness among newborn babies.
On Wednesday morning we took him to the doctor and they got a sample of his blood. Dr. Eborn called us back on Wednesday afternoon and told us that we needed to rush him to Primary Children’s Medical Center because his billirubin levels had skyrocketed from an 11 to a 24. When levels get into the 30s and 40s they can be very dangerous and even cause brain damage in infants. Ryan and I packed a bag and drove him to the emergency room. I was, of course, extremely worried about him. Just before we left for the hospital, Ryan and Devin gave Isaac a blessing. It was one of the most tender things I have ever seen—Ryan loves Isaac so much, even at only four days old. I held Isaac during the blessing and listened as Ryan blessed him with the ability to overcome his jaundice and be strong. I felt a peace come over me and I knew he would be ok.
After he was admitted to the hospital we met with several doctors who explained the possible side effects of high levels of billirubin (i.e. spotting on the brain and permanent damage) as well as the high likelihood that everything would work out just fine. He was admitted into the RTU (Rapid Therapy Unit) at Primary Children’s and they quickly hooked him up to monitors and put him under the florescent lights. It was a very emotional time for me. I was so concerned about Isaac and I was also dealing with the pain and discomfort of having just gone through labor 4 days earlier. I remember calling my mother and just sobbing. I tried to explain to her that Isaac’s condition was a very common one and that everything was going to work out fine, but I couldn’t completely convince myself of that. She began to cry as well and when I said “It happens to newborn babies all of the time,” she said, “I know, but it’s different when it’s your newborn baby.” That was exactly how I felt. I knew in my heart of hearts that he would be ok, but it was still so heart-wrenching to see him hooked up to so many monitors and not be able to hold him. I felt like I was abandoning him somehow. I was so grateful that Ryan was there with me. I don’t know how parents with sick children do it. It was so sad to be in that hospital and see so many sick kids. My heart went out to them and their parents. For the first time in my life I knew what my mom meant when she used to say “This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.” I just wanted to take his pain away and make him better.
Ryan was such a support that night in the hospital. He had to sleep on the floor because it was against fire code to have more than one fold-out bed in the room. He never complained about it once. He just slept on the tile floor. He was also so concerned about both Isaac’s and my well-being. I don’t know what I would do without that man! He is so amazing and such a strength to me. I really feel like I can do anything with him by my side.
All of the technicians and nurses were also wonderful. Two different lactation specialists came and watched me feed him and gave me invaluable information about nursing him. That really was a blessing in disguise because Isaac has become such a good eater due to the information and techniques that they taught us. I never would have had that if he had not been admitted to the hospital.
I remember walking into the bathroom the morning after Isaac had been admitted to the hospital. It was Thursday, March 15th. I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. I remember feeling so helpless and discouraged, almost like I was watching someone go through the experience instead of myself and there was nothing I could do to help. I came back to the room and just broke down and started sobbing. Ryan seemed to make everything better. He comforted me and calmed me down and I felt like I could go through it. Being able to hold and feed Isaac also helped so much. It gave me the hope I needed. Looking back in retrospect, it doesn’t seem like it was such a big deal, but those 24 hours were the hardest of my life. I’m sure that post-partum emotions played a BIG part, but more than anything I just wanted my son and family to be ok. I learned a lot about myself in those hours.
The night of the 15th the doctor came and told us that Isaac’s billirubin levels had gone down from 24 to 14, a significant drop, and that he would be able to be discharged. After they came and unhooked him from the monitors they let me hold him and gave us a few minutes alone. I just started sobbing. I can’t remember when I have ever cried quite like that. I just held him and I remember him looking up at me and the tears just wouldn’t stop. I truly felt the love of a mother. I have never loved something quite like I love Isaac.
Isaac and I a couple of days after he was declared "jaundice-free"
Looking back, I realize that Isaac being sick was nothing compared to what some people have seen their children suffer through, but at the time it was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am so grateful to have had the experience, however small and insignificant it might seem to someone else, it really helped prepare me for motherhood.
The day Isaac was discharged from Primary Children's
If you are still reading this, you have no one to blame but yourself because I totally warned you at the beginning...
16 comments:
Warned me about what? That was such a good story to read, I'm so glad you posted it. And i LOVE the pics of little Isaac. It's hard to think he's even cuter now, but he is. He was one dang good looking newborn!!! I'm excited to see what Ruby boobie looks like. (j/k on the boobie part of course!)
Oh, what a tender story! Thank you so so much for sharing it. Isaac was so so small! And so cute then and now. I love the part about Ryan sleeping on the floor. What a trooper! The crazy things we do as parents, huh! I wonder why you skipped over the whole labor part, though. I'll have to bug you about that later. For 29 hours all we got was three pushes. Either you're trying to forget it, or you think it's boring, but we women can always hear another labor story!
Anyway, you summed up motherhood so well. It really is the best thing ever!
Happy Birthday, Isaac!
It's great that you wrote that all down. I did that with Eleanor, and of course Solomon too because I felt like it was either that or therapy! :)
You finally realize why women always talk about their labor experiences. There is nothing else like it in the world.
your a wonderful mother sara and me and your mom will always be proud of you.
ps that labor thing reminds me of that bad case of roids i once had, both painful and unforgettable
Wow! What a great story. You are such a good mom. Isaac and baby #2 are so lucky.
I loved the story. Thanks for sharing. Isaac was one adorable newborn. He was so tiny. Happy Birthday Isaac.
Happy Birthday Isaac! Thanks for sharing your story, you are such a great mom.
sweet story! I am so glad you wrote everything down, we love you guys!
Great story Sara. I am a naturally emotional person, but that story really hit to the heart. What an awesome little family you have!
Okay I don't get it. You don't even look like you had a baby in that picture with you and Isaac. You look fresh and amazingly beautiful. Wow!
I don't even know what to say. You are amazing and that story was so wonderful.
So I definitely shouldn't have read that while I was at work because I was starting to cry and looked like a dork. That was such a sweet story I am glad you shared it and that you have it for Issac.
Sara, I'm here in my little cubicle at work with people all around me, and reading that post totally made me cry! I'm trying to wipe my tears away quickly and am acting like my eyes are just watering! Haha! Happy birthday, Isaac!
That was a wonderful story and post!!!
Okay, so I'm a jerk and just barely commenting on this post! I was going to talk to you about it the other day on the phone but there wasn't any time. Anyway, I seriously don't have words to describe how amazing the post was! How sweet to read his story! You are such an awesome person and I Isaac is so lucky to have parents like you and Ryan. Thanks for always being such a great example to me! I love ya!
WOW time flies. I still cant believe the pic of him in his carseat... probably the biggest i have ever seen a carseat look. Feliz cumple!!
I loved your story, and it is good you wrote all of that down. Happy Birthday to Isaac!!!
Post a Comment