Resolve

Are you a New Year's Resolution setter? 

I personally love the fresh start that a new year brings.

Last year I set some resolutions in regards to my physical health and I never could have predicted how working toward those goals would spiral into so many areas of my life. 

It has me wanting to go really big this year by setting a few goals that seem almost impossible, then making a plan of how I'm going to follow through. 

They say that your brain is wired to look for problems, so I'm going to give it a few exciting problems to solve, both in regards to my personal and spiritual growth. 

How about you?

I have a feeling that 2018 is going to be a year to remember. 

Earned Ability

Maddie received a ukulele from her grandparents for Christmas. It was her one Christmas wish.

Once the presents were all opened and the kids ran off to play a new game, I picked up the ukelele and downloaded the corresponding app to my phone.

I learned very quickly that it would take a musical novice such as myself a lot of work to learn even a simple song.

It was awkward and uncomfortable to play the simplest chords.

I became irritated with myself, the ukulele, and even the app on my phone (which, amazingly, goes through each and every step of teaching me how to use the instrument).

Malcolm Gladwell believes that, in general, people prize natural endowment over earned ability. While we live in a culture that claims to value effort and self-improvement, we revere the naturals.

Instead of viewing them as ordinary people who work really hard, we see them as magical unicorns who were born with extraordinary, super-hero-like abilities.

Part of me wonders if we do this in part to let ourselves off the hook a little bit. If I credit my childhood best friend's piano playing abilities up to blood, sweat, and tears, then I can't honestly say "I'd give anything to play the piano like you." Because I wouldn't. I wouldn't give up the hours and  hours of tedious, awkward practicing. Truth be told, I'd rather watch the latest season of Fuller House instead.

If I acknowledge that getting really good at anything, even for those born with better-than-average ability, takes hard work, then I don't have an excuse. I'm not off the hook. Because I'm capable of working hard too.

I'm going to prove to myself that I can learn to play the ukelele. I can earn that ability. I'm going to put in the hard, awkward, uncomfortable hours and teach myself (with my trusty app) to play "Happy Birthday to You." It's one of my New Year's Resolutions.

Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Wish me luck.

Take Care of Yourself Already!

Are you in the habit of practicing self-care? I'm not really talking about the spa-day, manis-and-pedis, treat-yo-self kind of self-care (though all of those are great), I'm talking about the positive-self-talk kind of self-care.

Let's say you mindlessly eat half a box of Oreos. Instead of beating yourself up about it with thoughts like, "I have not self-control. I'm such a cotton-headed ninny muggins!" You might instead direct your thoughts to, "Huh. I wonder why I ate half a box of Oreos? Could I be stressed about something? What was I thinking about right before I did that? What is it I really need? (hint: the answer isn't more Oreos)"

Curiosity leads to compassion. And compassion leads to love. And lasting change comes from love.

You know what never leads to change? Hating yourself. No one in the history of ever made lasting positive changes from a shameful place. Nobody.

You can't hate yourself healthy. You can't hate yourself into being the kind of mom you think you should be. You have to come from a place of love and compassion. And if you can't get there, curiosity is a great place to start.

Merry Christmas!

What it's Really About

Each December I put together a simple slide show with pictures taken throughout the year. It has become one of my favorite traditions to watch this video each Christmas Eve.

This morning as I was organizing photos and choosing background music, I felt overcome with nostalgia and gratitude. This life is really all about family. Nothing is more important than those relationships that God gave us. He wants us to cultivate them more than any others. The people in our families are surely the ones that are meant to teach us the most meaningful lessons. The lessons that will help us learn what we need to learn in this life and in the next.

Next spring my family will be making some big changes. We will pack up all our belongings and move across the country to Montana. This was a decision filled with a lot of emotion and a lot of deep consideration. We have a great life here in Maine. A really great life. Why would we uproot our family again and make so many dramatic changes?

Because of family. That was the main driving force in our decision. We want our children to have more time with their grandparents. More time with their cousins. More time with their aunts and uncles. And Montana is just an eight hour drive from family.

I have told Ryan for some time that the only thing that would pull me away from Maine would be a really great job closer to home. Truthfully, I never thought we'd find it.

But we did. He did. And as I watched my little slideshow, scattered with pictures of cousins and grandparents and family, I felt so much gratitude for all these people that God has placed in my life.

When people ask me why I would uproot my kids again, this is my answer:

It's about family.

Perfectionism

I'm a perfectionist. Recovering perfectionist to be exact. I like things to be perfect. I want to be the perfect mother. The perfect wife. The perfect friend. What's so wrong with that? A lot, actually. By expecting perfection out of myself, I wasn't allowing myself to show up, be vulnerable, and risk failure.

As I've been working on letting go of my perfectionist tendencies, I have felt so much freedom!

Christmas doesn't have to be perfect to be special.

My kids don't have to be overjoyed with their Christmas gifts (at least one of them is going to be disappointed, no doubt). It can still be a special day.

I don't have to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect friend, or the perfect writer to make a contribution to the world. My family is learning oodles and oodles from my flaws as well as my strengths. And so am I.

So for now, when I feel the perfectionism start to creep in, I tell myself that good is good enough.